by Ani Grigorova

(Bulgaria)

Some people believe that competitive sports, both team and individual, have no place in the school curriculum. How far do you agree or disagree?Competitive sports and P.E. classes have always been a part of the school curriculum. However many people underestimate their importance and even think that team and individual sports should be abolished. My personal opinion is that such activities and sports are a “must” for kids and students and I strongly disagree with the prior statement. First of all, it is widely known that sports and physical activity provide a wide range of health benefits. Daily exercise prevents obesity and develops the muscles, which is vital for young kids and teenagers, since that is the time they are growing and developing the most.Along that, playing sports and simply using the body more than the mind, could be an excellent stress-reliever, thus bringing benefits for the students’ mental health. Sitting on a desk all day, studying complex subjects could be stressful and after hours, the brain simply gets tired and further studying is quite counter-productive. P.E. classes provide a great break for the brain, since the body is more used. And after that, students can proceed with their studies, feeling refreshed and with their brains rested. That is significantly more productive than burning out the kids’ brains by non stop studying.In addition, team sports are great for teaching the students rather useful soft skills, such as communication, team work, leadership and cooperation. Sports such as football, basketball, etc. teach the kids to rely on one another and work together. And the greatest advantage of this is that those soft skills are not only applied in sports, they would be of a great use in offices and the professional field in general, so by playing team sports, students learn a plethora of skills, which can be applied in their future professional lives.Even though some people underestimate sports at school, I strongly believe that they must remain in the school curriculum. More physical activity means healthier children, both physically and mentally and sports teach many useful skills, which could even benefit the students’ future.

“I think these eBooks are FANTASTIC!!! I know that’s not academic language, but it’s the truth!”

These are IELTS band 7 essay samples that have been given grades (of 7 or 7.5) and basic comments on the score for each criteria by an experienced IELTS instructor. 

Topic: Migration to Cities (Band 7)

Young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to work or study in cities. What are the reasons?Do the advantages of this development outweigh the drawbacks?The comparison of standards of the cities and small town or villages has been always a debate. Recently, teenagers choose to live in the cities rather than their home villages because of school or job opportunities. This essay will discuss multiple reasons behind this trend and explain why the advantages of being in a city do indeed outweigh its drawbacks.There are several reasons to desire living in urban areas. Firstly, it gives people an opportunity to study in better schools which cannot be found in rural areas. Since in the modern world education means very much for people’s future, it is crucial to have higher education degrees for those individuals to find well-paid jobs. In addition to that, city life provides people with completely different experiences than their home villages. Thanks to the schools, work or social gathering places, they get to meet a greater number of people from all around the country compared to their rural towns which is crucial for one’s personal development. Lastly, in the cities, not only they get bigger number of job options, but also they can earn larger amount of money. It is very well know that job market is significantly limited in the villages also the current jobs barely pay enough. It is clearly seen that benefits of leaving villages outweigh its few number of deficits. It is worth to mention that people face some issues, such as being away from their extended family, more competitive and challenging job market, and substantially more expensive living cost, when they move to the cities. Advantages like learning and exploring new experiences, getting a better education leading to a better paid job and having an interesting career, however, surpass the number of the drawbacks of this development. To conclude, there are various reasons for young generation to leave their homes to live in the cities and this movement’s benefits easily outweigh its disadvantages.

Comments
Task Response: 7
The question is answered and ideas are supported. The benefits have been discussed in body paragraph one – the drawbacks would need to be given a bit more discussion in the second body paragraph in order to achieve 8 or 9. As the question clearly indicates that there are drawbacks, these should be given adequate attention. 
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
This IELTS band 7 essay sample is well-organised with a mix of transition signals and some good use of referencing and substitution. Slightly too many transitions in initial position in body paragraph one.
Lexical Resource: 7
There is a good mix of relevant topic related vocabulary of reasonably high level and a good awareness of collocation. More uncommon words and phrases would be needed for a band 8.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Good range and mix of complex sentences and forms, though some grammar errors are evident, particularly in the latter part of the essay.

Topic: Lack of Leisure Time (Band 7.5)

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?There is no doubt that having some leisure time during studying reenergizes the brain to continue working efficiently. However, students in some countries are under extreme pressure to study hard and therefore, they have minimal leisure time. The possible reasons for this trend as well as suggested solutions will be discussed in details. One possible reason for students to face a lot of pressure to work hard on their education with no time off would be the high cost of education. For instance, expensive courses put a financial burden on families and students which forces the students to try hard to complete these courses successfully and quickly. As a result, these students ignore the need for some spare time and focus on their study work. Another possible reason would be the amount of study materials which is becoming extensive for a short semester. Consequently, this pressure leaves no choice for students except to study as hard as possible to be able to finish this material on time. Thus, it is obvious that these students have no time left to have some leisure activities.However, some solutions could be suggested to help solve this problem. One possible solution would be reducing the cost of educational courses in these countries by government fundings. By doing this, both the students and their families would have less financial pressure and therefore the students could be less stressed during their studies which might enable them to have some free time. Another solution would be study groups, if students study in groups, then each one of the group members could summarize part of the curriculum and shares it with the rest of the group. This would save a lot of time for all of the students in the group and as a result the amount of pressure would be reduced. These suggestions could help the students to have some leisure time which is important for them to stay focused. In conclusion, there are many reasons that put the students in some countries under stress and pressure to study hard and leave them no time for leisure activities, however, the above suggested solutions could tackle this problem and allow the students to have some study free time which is essential for them to recharge their energy.

Comments
Task Response: 8
It’s a very good essay that is clearly organised and answers the question. It presents a well-developed response to the question with relevant, extended and supported ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
Ideas and information are sequenced logically in the IELTS band 7 essay sample; all aspects of cohesion are well-managed; paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately. 
Lexical Resource: 7
Though there is good use of vocabulary and only a few errors, there is not enough evidence of skillfull use of uncommon lexical items to merit an 8.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
Uses a wide range of structures; the majority of sentences are error-free; makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies.

Topic: Dangerous Sports (Band 7)

Large numbers of people participate in sports that are extremely dangerous.Why do you think people do this?How can the risks of participation be minimised?Today many games are being played all over the world. Some of them are extremely risky and life threatening. Despite of these facts their popularity is growing and many people are playing such games on a professional level. This essay will identify the reasons why people are playing such life threatening games and provide some practical approaches to minimize the risk associated with these games. First of all we need to find out the reason why such dangerous games are becoming so popular. To start with, the major attraction for players is good money that could be earned from a single game in just one day. This type of quick money increases stimulation among many players to adopt games such as boxing, wrestling, bull riding etc. Perhaps, fame and popularity is another compelling reason that encourages people to choose certain games. Furthermore, its proven that it is human nature to accept challenges and do things differently. Many players love to accept challenges and they want to astonish the world by their unique talent and skills. As these games are now being introduced in the world and many people are joining them it is important to reduce risks by introducing some policies and procedures. For instance, anyone who wants to participate in particular games would not be allowed to play it until he/she deemed hundred per cent competence in required skills and knowledge. Secondly, it is important to endorse high quality personal protection equipment and training to combat risk associated with games. In conclusion, excellent level of policies, procedures and training are integral part of treating the risks associated with such games.

Comments
Task Response: 7
All parts of the task are covered in this IELTS band 7 essay sample, a clear position is presented. Some main ideas are a bit generalised and would need to be more specific to reach an 8.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
Essay is logical with a clear progression. A range of cohesive devices are used. Each paragraph has a clear central idea. Some more sophisticated cohesive devices would be needed for an 8.
Lexical Resource: 7
Sufficient range of vocab and some less common vocab used, but some errors in word choice / formation prevent a band 8.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
The IELTS band 7 essay sample overall has very good grammar, but there is an error in quite a few of the sentences. Most are quite minor but a couple of very noticeable and the candidates need to take care with this to avoid a drop to a 6.

Topic: Reading & Writing Skills (Band 7)

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills.To what extent do you agree or disagree?It is often said that the Internet’s creation in the nineteenth made easier the way in which people could learn, work and study. The use of computers and mobile phones was seen at first as a democratization of knowledge, culture, and books. However, I think that this primary ideology was totally wrong following the side effects and trajectory and use of these devices. Indeed. I do think that computers and mobile phones for communication have a negative effect on people’s reading and writing skills, especially for young people. First, young people have been raised with mobiles and computers. The problem is that most of the content shared on computers and mobile phones, especially because of the use of social, are videos, images, and emoticons. For example, to get informed of the news, people used to communicate with others, write letters to people who were informed of the situation, or read newspapers before the Internet was created.  Today, most -if not all young people are being informed by watching videos on the Internet and socials. As a result, we can attest that young people are getting used to a virtual world made of videos and images. But not only are newspapers concerned, but also all kinds of information. Indeed, when young people, especially students, needed to find information for a school project they were confronted with what a lot of young people are “reluctant to” today: opening a book, an encyclopedia. Indeed, many young people are being disinterested in books as computers and mobiles are making on-web research easier and faster. Young people are, as a result, reading less and hoping to find quickly a piece of information instead of reading an entire article about it. For example, who reads an entire book about a country to communicate with someone from another country when they can just find a short article about the culture they are trying to know better? Nevertheless, writing skills are also strictly damaged by computers and mobiles. Because we are more connected to people thanks to computers and mobiles, we increase the process of talking with everyone, everywhere, the fastest as it can be. Before, thanks to the use of letters, people had time to think about what they would write and how they would like their text to be perfectly spelled and well written. Not only letters but also phone calls would help people develop their writing skills as you could not use abbreviations and slang as people do every day by texting.  A single image-a yellow face called a smiley- can replace dozens of words if not more. People are developing slang, image, videos, and GIF language instead of writing what they feel, think, and want to say in a text. Also,  vocal messages become a threat to reading and writing as these two skills are becoming useless in computers and mobile communication. In addition, creating a technology through which users of these devices are enabled to dictate a sentence that the mobile will write in a text makes people even more unskilled in writing and reading. To conclude, the prominent use of mobiles and computers for communication has numerous negative effects on young people’s writing and reading skills. Indeed, it keeps them away from reading and especially writing because of vocal messages and the creation of slang. Communication becomes a way for people to tell what they have to say without thinking about what they are writing and saying. 

Comments
Task Response: 8
Generally a very good answer with lots of support. I think it would be better without this: “Also,  vocal messages become a threat to reading and writing as these two skills are becoming useless in computers and mobile communication. In addition, creating a technology through which users of these devices are enabled to dictate a sentence that the mobile will write in a text makes people even more unskilled in writing and reading”. You don’t explain what you mean about vocal messages. It’s not really clear what the overall main idea of this paragraph is.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
It’s a shame as this could have been an 8, but you have this errors in body para 3 – “Nevertheless”. This is an additional negative idea, not contrasting information. For 7 and up there can be over/underuse of CC but there shouldn’t be errors in use. An examiner might perhaps overlook it and give you 7.Also as I said that last body paragraph is not great for CC.
Lexical Resource: 8
Mostly very good grammar but there are errors – an example:use of social – should be ‘social media’
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Mostly very good grammar but there are errors – some examples:newspapers concerned – newspapers can’t be ‘concerned’, not sure what you mean here.are being disinterested – should be “are disinterested”.Indeed. I do (comma, not full stop)

Topic: Job Satisfaction (Band 7.5)

Considering that adults spend much of their lives at work, having job satisfaction is extremely important. What factors contribute to job satisfaction?How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all employees?In this essay, I will state two main factors that contribute to job satisfaction, namely fulfillment and flexibility, and explore possible reasons why job satisfaction, although certainly an objective for many, cannot be achieved by all.Though many companies advertise their employees as satisfied and content, it is undeniable that this cannot always be the case. Few people would believe a manager saying that their factory workers are satisfied. I believe this has a lot to do with the factors that determine job satisfaction. For instance, in most cases, in order for someone to be satisfied at their job there must be something for them to succeed in, be it a personal or shared goal. The factory example works perfectly: people working in a factory hardly find a purpose in what they are doing different to generating a stable monthly income.Flexibility is a second element to be taken into consideration. What is meant by this is not flexible working hours, though those can certainly help too, but rather a chance to do and work on different tasks or projects and maybe even a possibility to scale them. This allows for a use of different skills, or a space to learn them, and constant new stimuli. Unfortunately, many jobs do not offer this kind of opportunity, resulting in repetitive and forced labour and effort.In conclusion, there are many ideas to be developed when talking about factors influencing job satisfaction, such as flexibility and fulfillment, and if some jobs offer both, the vast majority offers neither, which makes it impossible for every employee to experience satisfaction at their jobs.

Comments
Task Response: 7
Nearly an 8 but I think a bit more detail and explanation could be given to some of the ideas and perhaps a few more ideas of support. For instance more could be explained about why or what jobs don’t have flexibility. A band 8 or 9 also is likely to be able to write a bit more.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
It’s well organised and all aspects of cohesion are managed well.
Lexical Resource: 8
Generally very good use of vocabulary with few errors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
You have good grammar here but I think in certain places it could show a bit more sophistication/complexity. For instance, I showed you above where a complex pronoun would be better as without this the sentences look a bit choppy and short. And this sentence sound a bit awkward with two ‘ands’: “resulting in repetitive and forced labour and effort.”

Comments
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“I think these eBooks are FANTASTIC!!! I know that’s not academic language, but it’s the truth!”Linda, from Italy, Scored Band 7.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. They claimed it was the best way to maximize the children’s potential and time. In addition, parents will be able to relax as they can fully guarantee that the children will not do anything that can harm themselves. Many parents fill the children’s free time with additional courses or lessons. They believe that children should learn as much as they can while they are still young. However, I personally believe that too much courses and lessons are giving children more stress and thus, hindering their maximum potential and even cause their healthy to deteriorate.On the other hand, others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. They believe that children should learn how to manage and enjoy themselves. Futhermore, free time is the best way to explore and nurture hobbies. As a result, the children get to maximize their own potential free from any stresses and pressures.In my opinion, it is the best when parents do it moderately. It means that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time but neither all the time nor all the way they want. There should be still some limitations and prohibitions so that the free time for children is still supervised by parents. It is essential that children should be able to choose how to spend their own free time and therefore, they are able to know themselves and explore their potentials or simply release stress. But, as children are still young, they prone to not know what is wrong or right things, so they might want to do things that can harm themselves. Therefore, parents should still supervise and control children if the way children spend their free time deems to be harmful in anyway. Or, parents can organise children’s free time once in a while. For example, when the kids are lacking workout, the parents can schedule sports time.

“I think these eBooks are FANTASTIC!!! I know that’s not academic language, but it’s the truth!”